How PETA Ruined My Evening

I was lazily staring at my laptop when my mom shouted "get in front of the TV, they're featuring rabbits". I stopped what I was doing (or staring at) and switched on my TV in my room.

Jessica Soho was narrating the opportunity the country has in rabbits. They are great source of meat (only 150/kilo), tastes a lot like native chicken and they never thought of adapting any family planning of some sort. It's a great source of meat because they can be available at almost anytime. There's a town in Mindanao that uses rabbit instead of chicken because it's less expensive and easy to propagate. Rabbit skin is even great for a wallet.

I liked the segment but then a note came out...PETA is against slaughtering of rabbits!!! They said animals should not be sacrificed for the sake of us humans. Wow. I was disappointed and that thought was enough to destroy my evening. Thanks PETA, I owe you one.

I always like the idea of PETA. Stop killing animals. I thought their reason was that they animals should be preserved and when the need arises, should be killed in a very humane way. But noooo...I was wrong. Animals should never be killed no matter what. I thought the "humane" fly catcher PETA sent to President Obama was ridiculous...and it still is.

Let me give you as simple argument why PETA has got it all wrong. I'm all for human treatment of animals. I have five turtles that I rescued from their crazy owners because they are tied up without food. That's my share of trying to help the world. For the mosquitoes however, I have no second thoughts of swatting them. How can I be humane for mosquitoes? Tell them not to bite me? **** *** (expletives, figure it out).

Going back to the rabbits, I like what the good pastor did to make the rice porridge (arroz caldo) taste better – spike it with rabbit. Everyone liked it and the feeding program is a success. Now, if PETA tells me that rabbit should not be included in the porridge, they should try eating porridge with salt everyday. When I was in elementary, I forced myself to eat "Burgur Wheat" or whatever they call it. The abomination is practically brown rice with peas! It doesn't taste anything without sugar or salt. If they could have spiked it with chicken or pork, I could have been transformed from skinny to obese when I finished my elementary years.

Please PETA, before you tell people not to eat anything be sure they have options because us Filipino people doesn’t have a lot of options in terms of food. Don't tell me "it's the government’s problem" yeah, **** ** **** (expletives). I know how you've been violent on celebrities who tried to wear fur. Maybe you're right in there. But try to be violent in front of our brothers in Mindanao who can't have chicken because they're too expensive. Let's see how you courage could fare with their warrior-like courage.

Again...I would like to thank PETA for ruining my Saturday night. Hopefully, I could return the favor by ruin your one of your nights.

So How Would You Rate “Iboto Mo Patrol Mo, Ako ang Simula”

Kada eleksyon, kada istasyon sa telebesyon, radyo kag newspaper may ara nga programa. Mangita sila sang mga gusto mag ubra sa ila nga libre para may mabalita. Isa man ini ka pama agi para mabuligan bantay ang eleksyon. Ang mga kabataan nga ga intra, may makuha man sila bangod sadya ang eksperyensya. Kon sa ingles pa “win-win situation” ang istasyon sa radyo kag TV may libre nga tawo kag ang mga kabataan o tanan nga maubra, mayo ang eksperyensa.

Ang ABS-CBN may ara sila programa nga “Iboto Mo Patrol Mo, Ako ang Simula” Ang ila ginapang hagad mga kabataan kay sila ang ma-ayo sa text, camera kag gamit kompyuter. Bangod sang teknolohiya, makahatag sila sang impormasyon nga wala sang pugong pugong. Kon may problema, sigurado makabulit sila.

Halos kada adlaw makita mo ila nga balita parti sa ila nga programa. Nami. Damo tawo. Kon domingo may ara man sila nga daw dokumentaryo parti sa ila nga programa. Ok lang kay ginapakita nila ang mga kabataan nga gusto gid magbulig.

PERO…may daku gid nga PERO…

Kon lantawon mo sa telebisyon ang kalabanan nga ga intra, mga kabataan nga may mahatag. Sa ila pasayod damo makita mo nga may camera, computer kag damo, damo mabulig.

Kag ang ila bulig sa siyudad lang...liwaton ko…sa siyudad lang.

Kon lantawon mo, ang tinonto sa eleksyon wala nagakatabo sa siyudad. Ay, dali lang…sa siyudad, indi dali makita kag madakpan ang tinonto sa eleksyon. Ang nagapadalagan bal an nila nga damo gabantay sa ila. Amo na nga wala sila gapakita tinonto nila.

Sa siyudad, bisan sin o pa na dira hambalon mo nga mabantay…may ara man gihapon nga ma-alam. Indi lang ang manugbantay ang naga preparer…ang mga manugsalakay man.

Pero sa mga banwa, ang tinonto tama ka kit anon. Dumduman ko sang ulihi nga eleksyon lipay-lipay gid mga paka-isa ko kag katiyuan kay may kwarta sila. Kay sin-o naghalin? Siyempre sa nagapadalagan. Grabe ang ugtas ni tatay…ako daw nanugunan. Sugod sa amo to nga eleksyon, kwarta na ang tanan…kag bangod nahadlok ako kay tatay, indi gid ako makakuha. (Happy Father’s Day Tay)

Kon gusto gid man sang ABS-CBN nga magbulig sa eleksyon. Kadto sila sa malayo sa siyudad. Ang mga tawo sa siyudad ma-alam na kag ang mga malain sa siyudad, mas demonyo nag id nga indi madakpan (o tama ka kusog). Pero sa mga banwa, may mahimo pa. Pwede mapunggan, pwede madakpan.

Indi lang ang siyudad dapat buligan…tanan nagakinahanglan.

Please note that I'm not against ABS-CBN nor I'm for their competitors (GMA, ABC5, CS9, NBN etc).

Ang Pagtratar Sang Gobyerno Basi sa Manggaranon Lang

Been really busy working...but here's my blog in Ilonggo. I wrote this letter to RMN Iloilo. Hopefully, they will read it.

Mga sobra na duha ka semana naglupok ang iskandalo sa video ni Dr. Kho kag ni Ms. Halili. Sa una nga adlaw gapanumdum ka nga kalulouy gid man si Ms. Halili kag ang iban nga mga babayi nga gin into ni Dr. Kho. Tani ang may sala madakpan kag indi na ini maliwat pa.

Nami tani ang gusto matabo sang mga artista kag senador nga artista man. Pero ang ila pag tumod sini tama na gid ka ulihi kag isa lang ka pagpakita nga ang ila gusto protektahan ang ila kaugalingon lamang. Sa una naluoy ako sa kay Ms. Halili pero bag o natabo ang iskandalo sa iya sigurado ako nga daw wala gid siya may ginpanumdum sa na biktima sang una. Subong, ang mga artista daw manginmatay tulod sang layi bangod natabo na sa ila.

Kag ang gobyerno nanamian man magpamati sa ila...bangod may ngalan sila.

Dumduman ko naman ang kaluluoy nga bata sa kalahunan, mandurriao nga gin lugos kag ginpatay wala pa may isa ka tuig. Wala gid may gin ubra ang konseho parti sadto kundi magpasuga lang sang dalan. pero sang may turista nga ginpatay, gapatay patay man sila pabutang sang CCTV sa mga hotel. Indi ini sa pagkondena sa pagbulig sa ginpatay pero ini pag kondena sa wala pag bulig sa kalulouy nga bata. Wala man may naubra para mapunggan ang natabo sa kalahunan.

Panumdumon naton nga wala kita ginahukman sang Diyos bangod may naubra kita sa aton pareho estado pero ginahukman kita kon pano naton tratuhon ang mas imol sa aton.

People Who Need to Shut Up Now

Below is the list of people that should not be saying anything at all. Every time they speak, it always spells trouble for the country or just plain annoying. If you don’t agree, add more people through your comments.

• Prospero Nograles – I don’t want to sound like a suspecting jerk but I know when I see conspiracy when I see one. This guy will definitely suck the country’s sap dry of its resources. Not only will he sell the country to the current president but to foreigners as well. His “fourth way” of changing the constitution should get everyone scared. I hope his soul will be touched by an angel…or at least clogged by too much fat.
• Ralph Recto – the current NEDA chief is also another scary politician. The wife of Vilma Santos is the one responsible for eVAT. Because of the guy, we have to pay 12% for everything we have to purchase and earn. Now, he is saying that we are paying too much for gas but it’s just a pretext so that he will be a hero. Remember folks, he is the reason why we have to spend more and earn less.
• Nonito Doniare – poor guy, he’s currently one of my favorite boxer. A smart IBF champion who can conveniently adjust from orthodox to being right handed in a snap. But my respect to him went down when he went on national television crying because his parents separated. Boo-hoo Sir. These problems should be handled at home with your dad. His soon to be opponents should feel tougher by now.
• Korina Sanchez and Mar Roxas – Wow. I can’t believe the timing of these love birds. They announced their engagement a year before Roxas’ run for presidency. We know they are good to be married soon but they don’t have to use the national television for attention.

So please guys…shut up!!!

The Mud Slinging in Bacolod City

I'm not from Bacolod City but I am living in the 5th district of Iloilo. From where I live, the reception of Iloilo city radio stations are not as powerful compared to Roxas and Bacolod City radio stations. As a result, most of my news comes from these cities.

The news right now in Bacolod CIty is the mud slinging between the current city mayor (Leonardia) and the congressman (Puentevella). The mud slinging have been going on since the last election. These politicians are aiming to become the next Bacolod City mayor. Puentevella wants to be back as mayor and Leonardia wants to be back as mayor as well.

Each of these politicians seemed to hire radio personalities to support them. You can even hear some of them on TV which sucks since they cover the airtime for my favorite cartoons in the morning. Frank, get out of my cartoon time in CS9 and concentrate on radio. No one is watching except the kids.

The beef of those who attack Leonardia is this: the newly built city center is over priced. The table of the city mayor is more than PHP 200,000.

The beef of those who attack Puentevella is this: he has been in position for years but have done almost nothing except to attack the mayor.His proposed heart, lung and kidney center is almost non-existent.

I have never seen such vicious attacks. Even the war of Tupas and Suplico could not measure to the attacks. Block timers in any station in Bacolod city have been going on for years and the topic is the same: one of these guys are not good.

Who are the losers? The people of Bacolod City and the Negros. Instead of focusing on crime and poverty, they all debate on who is wrong and right. The call center industry is getting really big in Bacolod but they cannot protect the employees. Peopel are getting stabbed, robbed and killed but nothing since politics has been the focus since year the 2007 elections.

I love to listen a good mud sling but too much of a good thing is nauseating. Stop it!!!

(Image from Wikipedia)

My Proposal to Save the Filipino Movie Industry

The latest fiasco in X-Men Origins: Wolverine has only proven that leakage and piracy go hand in hand. The leaked movie is already being sold in streets. You'll be able to get one fast.

This reminds me of the pressing problem in piracy and the dying Philippine movie industry. I've been thinking about this for a very long time and here are my proposals:

1. Instead of one movie - place two or three movies. The commentary, special features and trailers are not really appreciated here in the Philippines. We love movies but we don't want to be fanatics for a single movie.

2. The price - I've seen original DVD's for 150 now in Iloilo city (Hellboy and 40-Year Old Virgin). That's already a great start. If you keep that price and have two movies instead of one, you'll be able to save the industry.

3. Produce or Remaster the Classics - more movies from the great Filipino actors of the past. If they agressively sell the old movies of Dolphy, FPJ, Ramon Revilla, Nora Aunor, Vilma Santos and even Lito Lapid, it can attract more buyers and spike the movie industry.

4. Try to minimize the soap operas - the main reason people are tired of the Filipino movies is that they have seen too much of it. Everyday my mom watches three hours a day of this **it. If that sopa operas are limited to an hour, I'm sure Filipinos will be wanting for more and the movies is the great avenue.

5. Don't Hire Actors in Optical Media Board - I hate to say this but I don't think actors can handle this position. Yes they are familiar with piracy but they are too busy on thier careers that they can't do anything. Let this be handled by people who hates the movies. Let this be their personal vendetta against those who are stuck in front of their television.

Piracy may not be completely eradicated but it could be controlled.

Reflections for Lent '09

Today is Holy Wednesday...time to reflect.

When I was young, I was one of those guys who end up in a totally different place to spend my Lenten season. I was never with my family.

Today, since I'm almost out of work I stay with my family and I'm loving every minute of it. But this experience is highlighted this season.

Since I started staying at home, Nanay (who has retired from her teaching job more than 2 years) has started caring for me. Hehehe. Quite mushy but true. I'm now the official taster of food at home especially during lunch time. Tatay has become the foreman, architect and engineer of my house that's about to be finished. My brother and sister have also been there to support my whims.

In gist, I have become the youngest kid in the house in terms of behavior (my sister is the youngest). All I do is eat, sleep, listen to radio and face my laptop for hours (Sorry TV, you're not that alluring).

This lenten season has made me think: of all the brouhahas I've been doing since I was very young didn't really matter. I made my family proud and frustrated about my a couple of times but we've been there...everyone's been there. But whatever you do with your family, it's always important to go back to your roots. It will make you stronger, think faster and a lot more confident because you are in a safe place.

This is my personal message I got from God. This lenten season, He is now reminding us that He is doing everythig so that we could be stronger and more confident. It doesn't really matter who we are as long as we do our best. Confidence is the key to everything and you have God as your #1 cheerleader.

Letter to Mr. Percy Lapid

Here's my Letter to Mr. Percy Lapid. A great radio personality in DWIZ. I'm always listening to him from my place here from 12mn to 1am.

But he crossed the line. I'm still listening to him but I sent him a letter...read on...

Hi Mr. Lapid,

My Name is Ryan Dawn Umaday. I am not listening from outside the
country but here in the Philippines. I am listening from San Rafael,
Iloilo - a very small town in Northern Iloilo.

I would like to react on your statement today. You said "Pabrika ng mga alila".

This is very discouraging to us Filipinos. Instead of being bitter
about the politicians and blaming them for the statement of the
Chinese journalist. Blame the Chinese national for being so baised and
racist. What you just said is called "reverse racism". Instead of
being patronizing Filipinos, you are going against every Filipino,
especially the OFWs are fighting for - providing us here Filipinos a
better life.

I'm sure you know a lot of people working outside the country. On my
end, I know a lot of people working outside the country. My first
cousin is an Engineer of one of the biggest oil refinery in the world
and my uncle is also a civil engineer in Dubai. I don't think they are
"alila" as you said. And don't think that I am defending them because
I need their financial support - I am more than capable of supporting
myself financially.

We are a proud nation. Don't bring us down through your degrading
comments. I love your show but you crossed the line there.

I dare you to write to the publishers of the Chinese magazine to
defend the writer on calling us "nation of servants."

I'm also posting this email on my blog.

Sincerely,
Ryan Dawn Umadhay
San Rafael, Iloilo
http://sting6ph.blogspot.com

Update: Mr. Lapid replied to my email that he will post my letter on his two columns on Police Files Tonight and Hataw...you can read the online copy here.

Why Iloilo City is Doomed

Before I start my rant, let me tell you that I am an Ilonggo. I've been staying in the city longer than I stayed in the town where I was born. So it is with a broken heart that I write this. If I say City I mean the districts found in the city. Provincial towns in Iloilo are not included.

Iloilo City used to be a bustling town....everything was just a ride away and everything was affordable.

But those memories are long gone. Iloilo City is in the hole with very littel chance of going up. Except for the Dinagyang (which is highly commercialized) not one thing is good in Iloilo.

While I'm writing this, I just heard the news of a teen was gang raped, killed and thrown in Calajunan dumpsite. The kid was said to be a garbage collector and just went to a Saturday night dance in the nearby Barrio in So-oc with her boyfriend. Apparently, her boyfriend and her friends have other idea.

This is a very sad and disturbing news. If people in the city could do this how can the city be called safe? If you find yourself outside your house in Iloilo City after 9 p.m., watch out. If you go to Smallville, you could be a victim of drive by shooting which coudl happen anytime.

What makes me even more furious this is the city government's reaction. I know thier smart but I think they don't have a soul.

Why?

A girl was just gang raped and brutally murdered and all you could talk is your beef with LTO? Why is there no outrage? Why is there no drastic laws? Why is there no assistance to the family? I bet that the 30-minutes worth of work of ANY city councilors is already a day's worth of work of the ENTIRE family of the victim.

With regards to LTO. My take is that the LTO should have the final say on this. The arguement posted by Mr. Plagata is not just enough. There is already an agreement with the DILG and the LTO on who handles the TOP. Why can't the city follow the agreement of thier superiors?

Mr. Plagata's defence could be divided into two parts:

1) They already have the city ordinance since 1992. Yep, the first to create the law is correct. Maybe if someone created a law stating that anyone wears red on a Friday in June 1898 will be hanged to death will still be observed here in Iloilo City.

2) Mandaluyong already have an MOA that allows them to sieze the driver's license. Wow. One point: YOU DON'T HAVE AN MOA!!! ALL YOU HAVE IS AN ORDINANCE!!! Besides, no one follows most of city ordinances. Remember the ban on public smoking? Remember the ordinance against jaywalking? Remember the ban against public helmet? Yes, the latest ordinance did have some effect but I still see people going around the city AT NIGHT without any helmets.

There's a dead girl and they are fighting about their rights. Sheesh.

How GMA and ABS-CBN Can Destroy the Philippines

You may have already seen the effects of Television to Kids...hours and hours of being in front of Television could get your kid out of their better life. They could have studied, ran around in play and making friends. They are instead stuck in the tube because there are too many things to watch.

Let me specify two stations: ABS-CBN and GMA. These two television giants are campaigning hard to be the best in the country. I don't have qualms in what they do to boost their ratings but in doing so, they are destroying our country and most especially the young ones.

I found this out throught the most disturbing answer I recieved. I was complaining that the stories in the telenovelas (the nightly shows that starts at 7.30 and ends in God knows when) are too cheesy. The answer I had was "they are geared specifically for kids." That's where I realize that these networks are out to destroy our future.

Aside from being cheesy (and maybe I'm wrong but they are a bit recycled), the shows run only for 30 minutes. The kids only have the ability to focus on a show for this much. Don't believe me? Try getting your kids to watch a full length film and see if they don't buldge. 30 minutes is enough to get the kids glued from one show to the other.

Because these shows run from Monday to Friday, the kids will not have time to interact with the family, eat together and even do their homework. If they do their homework, they do it in front of the tube which will take up their concentration.

If these networks do care about the future of our country, move the shows a LATER. Start from 9pm or even 10pm. Kids will be asleep by then. Instead of these crazy (and probably recycled) stories, get more news and analysis of the events instead.

And for the rest of the networks, don't you dare make telenovelas of your own. We have more than enough distraction our kids could handle.

New Defense Against Inquiry: Crying

Ah...those good old days where the congress' work is just to pass laws and argue about it. In other countries, you could even see them hurling chairs because they are not in agreement with each other.

But the Philippines is different. The congress doesn't want to argue on more important laws. All they want is to attend congressional hearings so that they could be seen on TV.

And the news just might get better. The congressional hearings just turned out to be one hell of a drama...

You see, one of the guys that was subject to a hearing (I forgot his name, I'm still waiting for his TV contract) did something remarkable to prevent inquiry: he cried. After crying, everyone in the congress was up against the World Bank for banning those companies.

All he does is cry and the entire congress rallied behind him against the World Bank - even though most of our funds in the country today came from the trusty bank.

I have two messages - for the Congress and for the World Bank

Congress: Stop being a baby!

World Bank: Please, black list as many companies as you can. Seven could probably be .000000000001% of the companies who is into corrupt practices.

Dinagyang Review from the Radio

I'm not a big fan of television. I only watch for three major reasons:

1. If I see someone get beaten up;
2. If something or someone is funny on TV; or
3. Something scary is on TV.

That is why for my Dinagyang experience, I opted to listen to the radio instead of watching them live on television. I opted to let my imaginations fly on what the radio has to say.

I listened to three radio stations - Bombo Radyo Iloilo, Akson Radyo Iloilo and RMN Illoilo.

I liked what I heard on these radio stations except the one from Bombo. Sorry guys, but if you wanted to get people excited about the competition, don't get some critics who all they do is ask what is the meaning of the movements, the costume and the colors of their costumer. Instead of showing to the world how creative we are, we just shown to the world that we are logical thinkers. Although the lady commentator is very enthusiastic, their guest commentators are a major letdown.

Aksyon Radyo and RMN on the other hand described the Dinagyang events that made me think I was there. Sure I'm a little bit color confused (not blind) but the excitement on the commentators voices are there.

I'm not really about the radio station wars in Iloilo. I listen to these stations everyday since each of them has interesting programs that should be listened into. But please, when we are celebrating something, let the whole world know that we are excited with what we see.

Obama's Speech - Beyond the Hype

Obama really lived up to his reputation as a good orator. Event though I have a problem with attention, I was able to catch up somethings. The phrase I really remembered was this:

"We extend our hands not because of charity but because of common goal."

My take on Obama's presidency will practically be on these words. He could become a great leader and will be able to take care of the economy without having to spend unnecessary tax payer's money. USA will still be aggressive in its assitance in other countries but will always have to think through on what they can do.

But he also challenges everyone to sacrifice a littel bit for the common good. Everyone was a little bit selfish for sometime (I'm looking at you Big Three) but everyone has to rally back to something better. Time for the Big Three to come up with better cars with better designs and not just the muscle cars.

After eight years, USA finally has a president who could really speak. Sorry former Pres. George W. Bush, it's really not that good everytime you speak.

Tips to Survive Dinagyang

Dinagyang is Coming!!!

Although Dinagyang is a fun activity for the weekend, it is also very dangerous not only for foreigners but also for locals.

So if you're coming to Dinagyang, here are some crazy safety tips:

1. Buy a cheap mobile phone. Yep, the first tip is to buy a phone. If you do have some extra cash, get the cheapest phone you can get. The cheapest I saw is only PHP650. Use this for texting, calling and others.

2. Buy a landline prepaid. PLDT has a prepaid SIM card for landline which only costs PHP50 but already bundled with 25 pesos worth of calls - around 12 minutes of landline use. This should be more than enough to call for help or just call someone at home to ensure you're safe.

3. Bring lots of coins. If you're not at ease (or any money) to bring to Dinagyang. At least bring coins. There are phone booths around the city you can use in case of emergency.

4. Remember this number: 166

5. When drinking in the streets (which you will), look around before sitting down. This will give you an awareness on whose already drunk and dangerous.

6. If you're itching to bring your digital camera, make sure it stays in front of you and strapped in your neck. Your camera will only be snatched if you're strangled to death which will never happen in the middle of the street.

That's it. Have fun in Dinagyang. I know I will.

Human Rights Commission in the Philippines - Bunch of Pansies

Human Rights should be made available for everyone.

But abusing your "Human Rights" for crazy motives is really bad.

Here are some cases:

Case #1: A group of people beat up a guy who they "suspected" (read: caught) snatching. He clamors for justice since he has the "right" to be tried in a court. Yep, Human Rights Comission will come scrambling to help him. On the other hand, the poor woman whose bag was snatched can't even be provided with a lawyer to persecute the "suspect." The guy goes free and goes back to snatching.

Case #2: Random drug tests for students. Alert for HRC - most schools today are already requiring students to undergo drug tests. Setting one in random will even save the community, the school's reputation and more importantly, the students. This is not a matter of privacy, it's a matter of security.

The HRC is just another way of telling people to get away with stuff and invoke their "Human Rights" and slow prosecution. It is also being used to cloak poeple's wrongdoing because of privacy.

Paraw Regatta

Photobucket Album

Chinese new Year

Photobucket Album

Gutom

Tsk, wala naman ako gana magkaon. Adlaw-adlaw daw amo na lang ni nabatyagan sang tyan ko. Medyo love story kami nga duwa nga daan sining mga inadlaw. Pangaluyagan ko siya: birahan ko kaon. Ginsabat niya ako: busog. Nagsunggudanay kami: Nagpalipas ako kaon. Subong siya lang gasunggod.

Galuya na ako wala pa ni iya ako nasapak. Mainit kuno.

Anhon mo na abi kay mga duwa na ako ka oras nga gapungko di. Wala man ako may ginasapak (nga tawo) wala man may gasapak sa akon. Daw Kadamu gani sa amon di galing daw gamay man lang kilala ko...daw wala gani. Hmmm....wala man gid diri may naghalin sa amon. Tig-alani na nga daan, ato to sila tanan gapanggarab. Tiyo ko gani medyo busy siya gapangdalawat naman nsang humay...happy days naman kuno.

Kon nga-a ari ako di subong ginhambalan ako nga may daku kuno nga matabo subong. Siyempre, bangod wala ako may maubra kag into man ako, gin rason ko na lang kay nanay basi historical ni, mainterview pa ako. Hehe. Kag may istorya pa ako sa mga apo ko. "Mga noy, nagpagutom ako para mangin witness sa history...(ubo ubo)".

Subong galing daw indi na ako maka-apo sa gutom.

Gulpi lang may naghambal sa megaphone, "ang tanan nga taga-norte diri nga bahin ang south didto sa likod sang norte....dali lang indi kuno...dali lang mga utod".

Tapos gid. Gina niya pa na niya nasulit nga lines. Dugay-dugay lang kuno mga utod. Igsakto man galing ang hamabal niya nga assembly time. Pag abot niyo di assemble lang kamo nga assemble.

May gulpi lang may amazing nga natabo sa atubang ko: may nagsinggitan (in tagalog) sige linya. Dumduman ko sang grade 1 ko nga maistra ko gasinggit man dayun galinya (fall in line!)

Meanwhile, nag linya man ako. Sige-sige na ang lakat tapos nagahimo linya. May isa ka tawo nga naga megaphone, pro gasinggit gyapon bisan wala na megaphone. Gatarabog laway niya. Rough day gid ni subong.

Yamat (Yawa Salamat).

In fairness ga linya na kami kag may nagalakat na. Namangkot ako sa tawo sa likod ko, "san-o ta makaon?"

Imbes magsabat kon san-o, ginbayaw niya ang kamot niya kag nagsinggitan. Nakibot ko. Gasinggit siya in tagalog. Aba! Walang hiyain ka tsong man! Sige lakat namon. Medyo indi na kami L.Q. sang tiyan ko...Gahambal na siya nga gutom siya. Galing anhon mo na kon ari ka galakat upod sa mga 'alog. Siguro tulo-tagalog man ako di ay no?

Mamangkot na ako tani in tagalog sang may mga announcements, "mga utod tandai ninyo ang tawo sa atubang ninyo kag likod para matandaan ta kag wala sing may makasulod nga indi ta upod diri." Straight Ilonggo to. Te paano nila ni maintyendehan hay?

'Ayos a." Sabat sang tawo sa likod ko. Feeling 'alog lang gali.

Sige na lang gani. Tandaan ko ang sa atubang ko kag likod ko. Para "wala sing may maka upod sa amon diri". Siguro para mabatyagan kuno nga daw may maintra gid sa painit kag pagutom namon. L.Q. naman kami ni sang tyan ko.

Anyways ang sa atubang ko: 5'3" siguro ang height niya. Ang buhok wala pa kakita husay so far. Naga jeans nga ginbakal sa vietnamese nga galibud RTW. Nakasapatos daw Jordan 501 man to nasulat (!?). Medyo, indi, akig gid ang iya itsura pero indi tunog iya singgit. Ang iya bayo pustahan ko wala pa nalabhan, may print nga gin silk screen nga padali lang. Hmmmm. Tawgon ko siya Mr. 501.

Ang sa likod: Taas ni, mga 5'8" height niya. May bandana sa agtang nga pula. Ga jeans man pro indi bakal sa vietkong. Panahon pa siguro sang Saturday Night Fever niya ni ginbakal. Damona gisi, pudpud ang color kag daw UK made. Ga tsinelas ang bayo lain nga print. Same quality lang. Sa kadaku niya, isa lang siguro ka upper-cut kita ko na stars. Tunog pa tingog niya.

Siya siguro si Hippo-Hippie.

Kilala ko na sila, Mr. 501 kang Mr. Hippo Hippie. Galing wala na ako nasapak sang tyan ko...wala na ako gana magkaon.

Sige gyapon amon lakat. Sa tunga sang dalan pa kami galakat, in fairness. Amo lang na galing ga gutok dalan. Trapik. Bahala kamo da.

Ok man ni gani, feeling ko daw gahimo ko unoofficial parade galing gurisnay lang kami tanan. Kag sa tanan nga ari di, mga 2 percent lang sigruo ang indi akig kag wala ga singgit. Si 501 kag Hippie ga ugtas gid, tapos ang announcer siya siguro ang alpha-angry sa ila tanan...grabe, halin pa ni sang umpisa lakat iya singgit:

"MGA UTOD (feedback), KITA SUBONG NGA MGA MANGUNG(feedback) GATIPON DIRI SA PAGPABUTYAG SANG ATON HIBUBON-OT KAG SITWA(feedback) SUBONG. KITA NGA MGA MANGUNGUMA NAGATIPON SUBONG SA PAGPAMATOK KAG NAGADUSO SANG (feedback) BAG-O NGA SISTEMA. KITA SUBONG NAGPA(feedback) SA RIHEMEN NI PRESIDENTE (feedback). WALA KITA SUBONG ANIHON BANGOD SA WALA HUYA NGA PAGPABAYA SANG ATON NGA MGA (feedback, lawig). GANI KITA NAGATIPON SA PAGTAPOS SANG RIGEMEN NI (feedback).

"HUO!" Singgit ni 501 kag Hippo Hippie. Naipit ako.

Tsk. Mangunguma gali sa alpha-angry. Wala siya kuno may ginani subong. Kaluoy man si manong. Amo na ginabasul niya tana. Siguro takan na siya basul sa kaugalingon niya nga wala siya panubas subong nga wet season. Kaluoy man si manong. Sige lang a, anhon ta na bi.

Hala dali lang, kung tig alani kag wala sing panubas, siguro ang naga upod niya possible man wala panubas. As in wala. Damo siguro rason. Una, nag-ulan tudo nga nabahaan. Ikaduha may nag-agi nga peste nga wala nila napunggan. Ikatlo, tinamad sila magtatap nga wala man may makuha. Ika-apat wala sila fertilizer nga igsakto kay ang lupa hago na. Or, indi sila farmer.

Hmmmmm...sala gid man sang gobyerno.

Sala gid man sang gobyerno nga wala niya napunggan ang ulan. Tani naghimo sila Commission on Rain Stoppers. Siguro wala napunggan sang gobyerno sang pag-abot ka peste. Tani may daw Pest Controllers man. Tapos sala sang gobyerno nga ginatamad sila. Tani may cheering squad kada hektarya sang humay nga gina isyu ang gobyerno. Sala man dayon sang gobyerno nga pinatam-an sang mangungma ang lupa asta maubos ang iya nutrients. Tapos sala sang gobyerno nga indi sila mangunguma. Amo na ga-rally sila.

Sala gid man sang Presidente.

Siguro sala-on ko man ang Presidente nga ang tyan ko ga-kudeta. Ga-ragumok na.

Gulpi lang nag-ulan. Ubos kami nagdalagan, nagpasilong sa mall....si alpha-angry manong na lang bilin.

+end+

Ultra Short Stories

Sang una, may isa ka ido nga wala sing dalunggan nga tuo. May buho lang sa wala. Indi na sia kabati sa tuo kay puro lang lutak kag atutuli.

Ang iya ngalan Brian Vincent. Malawig ang iya ngalan kag wala man sia ginatawag. Ang iya ginakaon meatloaf, isda kag basura.

Isa ka adlaw napatay sia. Huhuhu.

.end.

One day, sa isa ka adlaw, in a far away place, sa may Anabu nga 20 ang plete, may isa ka bata nga indi kabalo magtahal sang lapis. Ang iya ngalan Mao-mao. Birthday gapon pero sa December 25 pa hiwaton.

Nagkadto sia sa banwa sang San Rafael. Sang pagsulod nya sa banwa, ginhambalan siya, “Hoy pangayaw, puli ka sa balay nyo.”

Nagsabat sia, “Nga-a indi ninyo ako pagbatunon?”

“Kay indi ka kabalo magtahal,” ang sabat sang tanod.

Nagpuli sia, nagsakay sa motor, nagplete 20, kag nagkaon Spaghetti.

.the end.

Isa ka adlaw may isa ka bata nga perte kasabad. Isa ka adlaw naglakat sila sa beach. Naligo sia...

.the end.

Nubo nga Istorya

Gindakup ang ginadala ko nga kutsilyo kay indi kuno pwede sa dira nga lugar. Hambal ko man, “nami tani sir kun pasugtan ninyo ni. May gamay lang ako nga ubrahon.” Galing indi sila magpasugot.

Hmp. Indi ko man pag isugid kun anhon ko to ang sundang. Secret.

Budlay galing magtago secret sang sundang. Indi ko man ni slumbook nga pagusto ka lang sulat. “Who is your secret crush?” Sabat naman “secret”. Bwisit, secret na gani ginapamangkut pa. Double redundancy.

Ginpasulod man ako sa building less sundang. Hmmmn nami. Feeling ko daw manamian ako di subong nga adlaw bisan gaulan sa sagwa. Wow! Hi tech kun mag log-in sila: Finger print ang ginagamit! Tsk. Kun gusto ko gali magtinamad kinahanglan utdon ko ang tudlo ko kag ipadala, “Pre, ikaw lang to anay log-in sa akon kay sakit akon ulo kag kamot.”

Ginago.

May nagtawag sa akon, “To, diin ka makadto?”

“Diri lang 'nong,” Hambal ko.

“Ma ano ka diri?” Hambal niya.

“May ginalantaw lang 'nong.” Hambal ko.

“Ano?” Hambal naman...kasabad sa iya bisan ang tudlo ko ginakapoy na sa pagsulat “hambal”, ara naman.

May gintudlo ako nga papel sa board. Ginlantaw niya, ginlantaw niya ako. Nagpalayo siya dayon. Gintawag niyta ang girl nga nakauniform. Seksi. Wala siya ginsapak. Hehehe.

Ano to nga papel? Way ko kabalo. Gintudlo ko na lang to para makapalayo lang siya. Kasabad. Bangod nga gintudlo ko ang papel kag daw ginabantayan na ako sang tawo (bad trip kay wala siya ginsapak sang girl), ginbasa ko ang papel nga gatapik, na staple, ginpaste, ginbutangan kan-on sa likod, scotch tape, booger (offensive kon sa ilonggo) kag damo pa.

Damo gali papel. Take your time gali ako sa nami nga building. Cool.

Ginlantaw ko ang natapik. Ok gali. Help wanted nasulat. May ara man short term courses. Hmmmn. May ara man notice nga wala man may nakanotice. Siguro daw papel nga pinatapik, ginumon kag ginpadala anay sa Afghanistan kag sinulatan pagbalik.

Damu gali tsansa sa building ngani.

Nanghangaw hangaw ako. ano nga tsansa nga wala man tawo di? May ara man galing daw natabunan man sang glass sila. ano man? Hmmmn.

Ang lalaki ara anaman. Ayos!

“'Nong diin di ang employment agency?” Mangkot ko.

“Ano nga employmen edyensi?” Sabat niya.

“Ang na-applayan ko bala ni 'nong?” Sabat ko.

“Aplay man?” Mangkot niya.

Gintudlo ko ang papel.

“Ari bala 'nong ho...” Tudlo ko.

“Aaaa...ang amo na.” Tudlo nya man.

“Huo 'nong.” Hambal ko. (Hambal naman.)

“Way na di.”Hambal niya.

“Diin ni 'nong hay?” Mangkot ko.

“Sa Sports Complex siguro, di ko sure.” Hambal niya.

Lintek di pa siya kuno sure. Syur!

Employment sa Sports Complex? Ma-ano ka pag abot mo to ma sprint ka anay before ka maka apply. Basi pag abut mo mangkut anay. “What is your fave sport?” Stupid.

Hmp. Tinamaran ako. Ano kun indi mo matultulan. Amo to siguro nga wala siya ginasapak sang girl kay wala siya katultol. Tani lang.

Naghangaw-hangaw ako. Hala asta lang ko di? Wala gid ako may nakadtuan gali ba. Pagtangla ko may dome. Wow! Dome! Kanami ba...dumduman ko ang sundang ko.

Aha! Makadto ako sa cr. Kanami nga daan sang dome, sigurado nami man ang cr. Galing...diin ang cr? (kon ginabasa mo na ang cr as in one syllable, wrong SEE ARE na.)

Of course namangkot naman ako kay 'nong.

“Nong diin di ang SEE ARE” hambal ko. (naman)

“Ano?” Hambal niya.

“SEE ARE bala 'nong” Hambal ko.

“Aaaaah....mangihi ka?” Hambal niya.

“Gago, ano labot mo?” (Hambalon ko tani) Panumdum ko.

“Te, diin 'nong?” Hambal ko.

“Diretsoha lang, didto sa punta.” Tudlo niya.

Aba, may nabal-an gali ni. Ma-alam.

Naglakat ako pakadto sa direksyon nga gintudlo niya...nakita ko ang sign nga SEE ARE gid man didto. Medyo layo galing. Wala di sila may ginagamit nga Golf Cart kon sakit tyan nila? Basi 'ya.

Ga umpisa pa lang ko lakat nga na notice ko liwat and mga tawo nga na priso sa glass. Wait (hulat), may gabasa newspaper, may naga games sa pc, may naga sisp papel (!?), may nagakatulog, may gasuksok shades (where's da sun da man!) tsk, busy sila siguro. Indi pwede sabadon...sirado ang kuwarto nga daan kag wala tawo sa counter.

Ara na ako sa SEE ARE. Wow! High Tech! Panumdum utod: ang tubig auto gwa, may tissue paper, kag ELECTRONIC HAND DRYER (no pindot required pa!).

Now this is what I call SEE ARE. Damo ka makita.

Syempre, nami man wiwi ko e. Gapanumdum pa ako tani ma extra deposit pro indi ko feel. Sa tam-an ka puti ka room, matyag mo gasige sakit tyan mo, ara ka sa langit.

Nagwa ako sa cr gayuhom. Tsk, impressed ako, kanami. Nagdiretso ako sa dome. Kanami. Nakita ko ang finger print log in. Kanami. Ang SEE ARE. kanami.

Ang building daw SEE ARE. Damo makita! Damo ara! manog gwa na ako sa building nga nasugata ko si 'nong. May dala isa ka tray nga tasa...ga aso...alangan juice. Kape. Tingala ko man indi katultol employment agency ni.

Dumduman ko na nga-a gindala ko ang sundang di....